Friday, May 22, 2009

Your Daily Bit Of Satire

In case you haven't seen this at Dana's place, here's your bit of daily satire, courtesy of Vagabond Scholar:


WASHINGTON, DC – Seeking to quell fears of terrorists somehow breaking out of America's top-security prisons and wreaking havoc on the defenseless heartland, President Barack Obama moved quickly to announce an Anti-Terrorist Strike Force headed by veteran counterterrorism agent Jack Bauer and mutant superhero Wolverine. Already dubbed a "dream team," their appointment is seen by experts as a crucial step in reducing the mounting incidents of national conservatives and congressional Democrats crapping their pants.

"I believe a fictional threat is best met with decisive fictional force," explained President Obama. "Jack Bauer and Wolverine are among the very best we have when in comes to combating fantasy foes." Mr. Bauer said, "We're quite certain that our prisons are secure. Osama bin Laden and his agents wouldn't dare attempt a break-out, and would fail miserably if they tried. But I love this country. And should Lex Luthor, Magneto or the Loch Ness Monster attack, we'll be there to stop them."

Anti-Terrorist Fantasy Dream Team on the Case

As is no doubt obvious to anyone who's been reading here awhile, I love science fiction, and I'm fond of cartoons, as well as the occasional comic book. What seems to separate me from much of my country is that I realize that they're fiction. For instance:

* There's no such thing as warp drive. The most imaginative physicists of our time can't even come up with an idea of how it might work that doesn't involve black holes or other things that are equally impractical.

* There's no such thing as transporters (or transmats). Physicists will tell you they're impossible. Biologists' reaction will be similar to Dr. McCoy's. Doctor McCoy, by the way, is a fictional character.

* The Joker and The Riddler are fictional characters. People don't break out of jail whenever they feel the need to give Batman a bad day. Batman's not real, either.

* It's really hard to grade a multiple-choice question when you don't know the answer. That's why torturing someone for an answer is even less useful than trying to tempt him with cigarettes and coffee. At least with coffee and cigarettes, you don't have to waste time listening to the stuff they think you want to hear.

I can't decide what's sadder, that there seem to be quite a few people in America who honestly believe that kidnapping and torturing random foreigners is a good idea, or that they don't know the difference between fantasy and reality.


Batocchio said...

Your last two paragraphs are especially good.

Dana Hunter said...

Wait... Batman's not real? ZOMG. So that's why he never responds to my bat signal! And all this time, here I was thinking it's just because I don't live in Gotham...


I've met far too many people who can't separate fiction from reality. Alas, many of them are fans of 24 and were running the country up until a few months ago...

Cujo359 said...

Thanks, Batocchio. I hope people think about the multiple choice problem a little.

Cujo359 said...

There are fans of 24 who do understand the difference between fantasy and reality. I used to like watching the show, in fact, until I the realization that people were taking it seriously dawned on me. Now, it just doesn't seem like escapism any more.