Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Apparently, I've Converted

[Pound notes, plus a few dollars, at the donations box of the British Museum. Image credit: Lawrence OP.]

Yet another widow needs my help. This time, the widow with questionable English skills is from London. Why would I expect someone from London to have a command of English prepositions? Clearly, I need to re-examine my prejudices:

From: mrsrose adams
Subject: Dear My Friend
Date: Feb 16, 2009 6:24 AM
Dear My Friend

Greetings in the name of God,Pls let this not sound strange to you for my only surviving lawyer who would have done this died early this year.i prayed and got your email id from your country guestbook. I am Mrs. ROSE ADAMS from London,I am 58 years old,i am suffering from a long time cancer of the lungs which also affected my brain,from all indication my conditions is really deteriorating and it is quite obvious that, according to my doctors they have advised me that i may not live for the next two months,this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage.

I was brought up from a motherless babies home was married to my late husband for twenty years without a child,my husband died in a fatal motor accident Before his death we were true believers.Since his death I decided not to re-marry,I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of 10million dollars with a Standard Finance Security Company. Presently, this money is still with them and the management just wrote me as the true owner to come forward to receive the money for keeping it so long or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over because of my illness or they get it confisticated.

Presently, I'm with my laptop in a hospital here in Switzerland where I have been undergoing treatment for cancer of the lungs. my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live.It is my last wish to see that this money is invested to any organisation of your choice and distributed each year among the charity organization,the poor and the motherless babies home.

I want you as God fearing person, to also use this money to fund church,mosque, orphanages and widows,I took this decision, before i rest in peace because my time will so on be up. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Standard Finance Security Company.I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as the new beneficiary of my fund. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

NAME: __________SURNAME:__________________SEX: _____ AGE: ______MARITAL:

_______________COUNTRY: _______CITY: _________ STATE _______
CODE: _______CONTACT ADDRESS: ________________________PHONE NO#___________FAX NO#_________________OCCUPATION:

______________POSITION: _____________
Waiting for your reply


So, just to review, someone sent this to an e-mail address for an internet persona of an avowed atheist. Apparently, the country guestbook isn't all that informative.

Sorry, Rose. What with the banks collapsing like a septuagenarian during the fourth hour of a viagra-induced erection, I doubt I'd be able to hold onto that money long enough to transfer it to my designated charity.


One Fly said...

These people with the millions really like you a lot.

Cujo359 said...

I just have that certain je ne ses quois, I guess.

Dana Hunter said...

Did you convert to Christianity, Islam, or Christianity AND Islam? The email isn't clear. I'm assuming that, since it tells you to donate to both mosques and churches, you're a Muslim on Fridays and a Christian on Sundays. In that case, I have to admit I'm perplexed - why didn't you also convert to Judaism so you can have a three-day weekend?

Also, this God-fearing stuff... what did God do, jump out from behind the door at you? The bastard has a bad habit of doing that, I'm told.

Maybe we should ask mrsrose adams these questions, as she seems to know your mind so much better than you do.

As for her preposition troubles, that's clearly explained in her missive. Poor dear, the cancer got to her brain - it must have attacked the language centers first.

I'm perfectly willing to become an orphaned, widowed church-mosque should you wish to simplify matters by donating that largesse to one entity.

Cujo359 said...

To tell you the truth, I really hadn't given the matter of my conversion it much thought.

The god of the Old Testament and the Koran is something to be feared, that's for sure. Thankfully, there's been no evidence of one.

Perhaps mrsrose's brain cancer explains the other problems with her approach, as well.

Under the circumstances, she clearly should find a trusted relative or friend and give him power of attorney. It's possible she'll do something foolish.

Heathen Hermit said...

Poor old Rose has been very active with her laptop. I've heard from her at six separate e-mail accounts.

Cujo359 said...

That's amazing. So far, this is the only one for me. Of course, my personal e-mail account is better at catching spam.