Profiles In Fierce Advocacy: Sometimes You Have To Make A Decision...

Image credit: Cosmic Beaver


You know, being a Fierce Advocate can be trying sometimes. People expect you to decide things. In fact, if they're liberals, they always seem to expect you to decide things in a way that isn't terribly easy. Take this for instance:

More than 10,000 people gathered in Washington, D.C., last Sunday with a simple goal: Encircle the White House. They succeeded, just weeks after 1,253 people were arrested in a series of protests at the same spot. These thousands, as well as those arrested, were unified in their opposition to the planned Keystone XL pipeline, intended to run from the tar sands of Alberta, Canada, to the Gulf Coast of Texas. A broad, international coalition against the pipeline has formed since President Barack Obama took office, and now the deadline for its approval or rejection is at hand.

Keystone XL: Ring Around the Rose Garden

Liberals are always on about the environment this, the ecology that, "global warming", blah, blah. You'd think they never had to run a political campaign. If you were a Republican, of course, you could just ignore them. Unfortunately, Fierce Advocates can't be Republicans. It's a rule or something. Anyway, if you're a Democrat, you can insult liberals sometimes, but after a while even the really dumb ones will catch on. So you can't do that too often.

And, you know, they really, really go on about that environment thing.

What's a Fierce Advocate to do?

Well, hey, that's easy! You procrastinate:

Obama said in a statement that he supports delaying a decision.

“Because this permit decision could affect the health and safety of the American people as well as the environment, and because a number of concerns have been raised through a public process, we should take the time to ensure that all questions are properly addressed and all the potential impacts are properly understood,” Obama said. “The final decision should be guided by an open, transparent process that is informed by the best available science and the voices of the American people. At the same time, my administration will build on the unprecedented progress we’ve made towards strengthening our nation’s energy security, from responsibly expanding domestic oil and gas production to nearly doubling the fuel efficiency of our cars and trucks, to continued progress in the development of a clean energy economy."

Obama punts Keystone XL pipeline

Put it off until after the election. Genius!

Because, you see, it's a really, really complicated thing. Either we let some foreign company build a leaky pipeline through the Midwest so that a few people can have some low paying jobs for a while, or we don't. Doesn't that sound really, really complicated?

Of course, it plays better when you can say that in your really serious voice, but if you can't manage that, there's always the option of a press release.

Once the election is over, then you can let those nice Canadians build that pipeline with Indian steel using their Japanese heavy equipment, pick up your speaking fee, and move on. After all, there's no rule that says you have to live in the Midwest, right?

I know what you're thinking, there's a catch. What about all those liberals? I mean, you need the silly buggers to vote for you, but they they complain about everything we do!

Now, that's easy.

You see, there are liberals who are smart enough to figure out what's going on. But some of them can be persuaded to go along to get along. Isn't it just great that the economy is so bad? Others, as we've mentioned already, aren't all that bright. So that leaves just a few troublemakers who aren't quite smart enough to be bought, and not quite stupid enough to believe what they're told by those who are. But there aren't that many, really. Just call them mean, old racist poopyheads who want to burn everything down, and no one will listen to them.

After all, even arsonists don't want to be called racists, and I suspect racists don't want to be called arsonists, either. No one likes being called a poopyhead. It's a sure-fire winner of a rhetorical strategy.

So, there you have it. Anything else we can help you with, Mr. President?